Glider Love

So, I'm in the VFW Thrift store because my friend Ron told me about a glider bench he'd seen there.
I love glider chairs & benches. I have a glider chair from the 50's & a bench that has seen better days.  Anyway, I'm looking for the bench and this elderly Hispanic man strikes up a conversation with me. Nothing special, just talking.
He then asks me if I had a husband.
What!??
Steve's death is too fresh & on my mind so I'm just not on guard yet.
I tell him (the old guy) that my husband had just died.
That's when it gets weird.  Okay, weirder.
The old guy asks me if I'd like to go out & have a drink sometime.
OMG, Steve's barely gone and I'm getting hit on in a thrift store.  Is this where my life is headed?
I tell him I'm just not ready to go out yet and probably won't for a while.
This old guy is tenacious and wants to know how he can find me when I'm ready to DATE.
Again, OMG... Seriously!
Still in my grief stricken fog I'm able to come up with an answer that he can except.
I come into the thrift store a lot...
It was the best I could do.
The old guy left.  Most likely to go find his wife and grandchildren in another part of the store.
After all this weirdness, the glider bench was gone.

Life without Steve

Life without Steve...
Last Tuesday my Steve died.
Not being medical professionals, when the doctors told us this was serious, we both were like " yeah, we get that ... So when do you think he'll be able to go home?"
Why keep putting him thru dialysis every day if he was doomed?
He was moved back to ICU late Sunday night.
Around 5 am Monday morning I called his night nurse, she told me she'd been a nurse for over 32 years and tried to be honest with families.  Steve's health was dire.  Very bad.  Not good.
The doctors were pumping serious antibiotics, 100 percent O2 and propaval to keep him sleeping.  So back to not being a medical professional...
Steve always brought up the fact that I had been pre-Med in college (for about 2 seconds) and I would repeat the fact that I'd only gotten thru freshman biology which consisted of horrible worms that can live in the human body! He'd say "you were pre-med" and I'd say "Worms".
But NO ONE was clear enough, early enough.  By the time the ER doctor told me they could bring him back each time he coded but he wouldn't make it thru the day, I still wasn't grasping what he was saying.  So I asked " are you saying Steve will NOT get better?" The ER doctor said "he will not". Doctors must think non-medical people are mentally challenged. But, in my limited pre-med experience (worms) if they knew this, why had they kept pumping him with drugs?
So I asked them to let him go.  Please don't put him thru any more heroic gestures.
It was terribly quick, maybe 15 minutes.
My sweet, grumpy, smart, courageous husband is gone.
I hate that I feel this way but what am I going to do without him?
Now it's been the calls to friends who let's just say, are not taking his passing well.
Steve was just the kind of person who was so solid & had your back always.
The thought of him not being in this world is just incomprehensible.

Calgon, take me away!

Yesterday ICU pumped Steve with every antibiotic known to man. Plus propaval to sleep, 100 percent oxygen (he's intubated). His temp went up to 102. His nurses were hopping.
Today Torri & I got here after a quick stop at the drive-thru Starbucks (God bless Starbucks !!) his BP was 53/19. OMG! I started crying so Torri had to be strong. She gets to cry later.
So now it's 3hrs of dialysis which should raise his BP because it will flush out the toxins his flipping kidneys refuse to deal with.
Calgon take me away...

Back with our friends in ICU

But seriously folks,
So over the weekend he was still very confused and paranoid but a lot less angry.
Because he was having trouble breathing they put him on a Bypap which is like an oxygen mask that actually pushes the air into your lungs. But he HATED IT! He hated it more than Joseph the Evil RN!
Steve yanked it off his face at least a hundred times until he finally broke the thing. And guess what?
Turns out he really needed it because late Sunday he stopped breathing.
So he is back in ICU and since then he has been intubated because they believe he now has pneumonia on top of everything else.
He is being kept on the "twilight drug" Propofal", (yes, like Michael Jackson...)to keep him calm while the antibiotics do their work.
Good thing Dr Murray's not Steve's doctor :)

Joseph the "evil" agility R.N.

I should have knocked on wood.
Crazy gremlins took over my Steve.
Friday morning Steve's nurse met me at the elevator.
Thank goodness you're here, maybe you can calm him down.
(I found out later that Steve had thrown his IV stand at Joseph the RN)
Entering his room I immediately notice his lack of gown, sheet, monitor leads & IV.
He looked scared but very in charge...
MERRY, GET OUT OF HERE!
  What?
NOW, GET OUT OF HERE & CALL THE POLICE!
  I don't understand.
LEAVE NOW! I'VE BEEN POISONED.  THEY WILL KILL YOU TOO,
CALL THE POLICE NOW!
  Ok
(I text Michael Donner (Steve's brother & a mental health professional) to call me ASAP!
I went back in & told him I'd called the police but they were on other calls.
He told me, THE DOCTOR & NURSE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER.
THEY ARE IDENTICAL TWINS PULLING A SCAM.
WHEN I FIGURED IT OUT THE DR PULLED THIS 5 INCH NEEDLE OUT
& PLUNGED IT INTO MY LEG.  IT WAS POISON.
MERRY YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE, CALL THE HWY PATROL.
I'm not leaving you.
OK, BUT STAY BEHIND ME.
Steve's brother called me and told me to try & calm him down, but not to lie to him.
This was not unusual in patients with kidney failure.
Michael talked to the "evil" Dr about all the drugs Steve had been given.
He reassured me that this would pass.
Steve then explained,
THIS IS NOT A REAL HOSPITAL, IT'S A WAREHOUSE IN THE DESERT
WITH SETS THAT LOOK LIKE HOSPITAL ROOMS.
THE POLICE, IF THEY COME, WILL BE IN ON IT. NOT REAL POLICE.
THEY'LL ALL HAVE SAG CARDS.
He asked for his friend Phil to come to protect us.
So the rest of the day Phil & I stood guard.
He finally allowed the "evil" nurse to come in & re-do his IV.
Although he gave him the evil eye as he left.

PS this too

Tomorrow Steve gets a permanent port for his dialysis.
The surgeon will remove the temporary (Quintan Catheter) port out.
Looks like he has some dialysis in his future.

Buh Bye ICU

Steve was moved out of the ICU unit last night.
He has a single room that overlooks beautiful Van Nuys, California & mountains to the north.
This morning the potassium #'s were lower, 4.9, which is still high but not crazy ICU high.
He's doing amazingly better but might be here a while.
The Renal doctor wants him to have dialysis 7 days straight.
(Well that's what I got from my conversation with the RN giving the dialysis last night.)

I knew he felt bad but COME ON!

  Steve was admitted to the hospital & will be in ICU for a couple of days.
His legs gave out and he fell Sunday night. The firemen who came to help him up talked
Him into going to the ER.  He probably saved his life. Steve had a serious infection & his
Potassium numbers were very high 7.5 . After he was put in ICU the doctor told him his
Kidneys had shut down. So they've given him dialysis 2 times and will do it again this
Afternoon. Yesterday his potassium numbers had gone down to 6.3 but they need them even
Lower.

  After dialysis he gets moved to "not ICU" ...that's all we know for now.